Welcome to the 1st Edition of the Nigga Please Awards! Pull up a chair and get your pop coooooown ready!
Categories:
- Worst Slip and Fall
- Most needed Makeover
- Yep, You're Screwed
- Most Lost Mind
- Biggest Sell Out
- I just dont like your ass
Lets Start with WORST SLIP AND FALL. The winner of this category was on top of the world. He had a dream job of doing what he loved, a wife, healthy lil ones, respect of his peers. He had companies throwing money at him just to show his face and women throwing him pussy (ugh, I hate that word) left and right and up and down.. so much so that he slipped and fell right into some and got his ass caught up in a tangled web of deceit, disappointment and disaster. Yep, Ladies and Gentlemen. I'm talking about the one and only, Mr. I'm sorry [I got caught], the cablanigga himself, TIGER WOODS... Tiger, gon 'head and accept this award, homie, and then take your ass far far away from here, cuz I's tied of hearing your name...
Next up, we have the MOST NEEDED MAKEOVER. Now this hoe would have won the Most Lost Mind award, but I think this one fits her better and since its my awards show, I say she can't win two. Let me just say this. I actually liked this woman, bought her first two CD's, paying lots-o-money for the first one cuz at the time it hadnt even been released in the US. Her style use to be funky and I loved her personality. Lately tho, she has been looking a lil clownish and her attitude is horribly stank. She needs to have her inside and outside bulldozed and just start all over. Who the hell am I talking about? None other than Kelis Rogers Jones, aka Nas' ex hoe.
This leads us to the YEP, YOU'RE SCREWED award and of course this goes to my man Nas.. Now anyone who knows me knows I love, love, LOVE Nas. He is my favorite lyrically, I really feel he is the ultimate story teller. But Gotdamnit, didnt Kanye teach you anything? PRENUP, NIGGA!! You have worked so hard over the last 2 decades building your empire, you have one of the most CLASSIC hip hop albums of all time and you allow some pink haired freak to come in an demand more in child support and alimony than Diddy pays for all 10 of his babies??? Ugh, Nigga Please!! I guess its too late tho.. Kelis made you look...
Next we have the MOST LOST MIND award. Imma have to take a deep sigh before I give this one out............... Kanye, come on up brother. Like Nas, I love Yeezy too. Some even call me a stan, lol. When he hurt Taylor Swifts feelings at the MTV awards, even though I knew he did take it too far I still chuckled inside...The brother is bold and I kinda like his dont give a fuck attitude.. I have always admired people who really dont give a fuck. You have to really have tough skin to live your life like that. Anyway, In the last year Ye' has been on his autotune kick.. making lots of whiny songs about being lonely and cold. I understand that, cuz his mama died very tragically and her insecurity was exposed for the world to see. I'd be cold too but dammit, can we get a lil sunshine in this bitch? Pretty please with Amber Rose on top? I mean come ON!! Where are you, Yeezy???
Imma save the BIGGEST SELL OUT for the end and jump to the I JUST DON'T LIKE YOUR ASS award... (although this dude mos def qualifies for the biggest sell out award) Anyway, Plies bring yo ass up here, NOW. Your potty mouth has women everywhere creaming their Vicky's, but not me! Your manufactured persona is clear to me and your song Becky alone was enough for me to dislike you forever. It amazes me how I hear your fresh off the plantation accent on wax, then in an interview you sound like Duncan Penderpuss from Class Act. I know you gettin plenty money but damn, bro.. find a way to get it being Algernod Lanier Washington and not the industry slave nigga you are now.
Finally, we have the biggest sell out award. I have been going back and forth between two people and decided that this is my show so I can give two if I want... First up we have Sir Chuck. Yea, Im talmbout Charles Barkley and that GOTDAMN TACO BELL COMMERCIAL. Every single time I see it I cringe. I actually have to change the channel. This man is a former Athlete. Although he has always maintained he doesnt want to be a role model, for many he has been. Seeing a sports hero promote such an unhealthy product and rapping while he does so is disgusting and I feel like dude totally sold out when he ran for the border. Charles, Fuck you and your box.Lastly, we have Nicki Minaj. This woman really hurts my soul. I see and hear her all the time now and I just wanna beat on her. I have given the woman a chance and I actually do think she is talented. She is absolutely beautiful on the outside, some of her one-liners are funny ("keepem on they toes like a midget at the urinal"... Hilarious), her delivery pre young money was kinda decent, but this plastic, air head, freak hoe, sign your boobs image that she and her captors at young money have created is just insulting to women everywhere...I mean, for real, yo? You gon just sell out like THAT? Whew!! this chick makes my pressure sky rocket.... got all these zombie hoes runnin round thinking they are dolls. Empty headed dolls....Come to think of it, I never did like barbies. I was more of a transformer, voltron Thunder Cats kinda chick myself... Go figure.
Anyway, thats all we have for the nigga please awards... for now at least! thanks for tuning in!
TGIF!!
3 comments:
I'm with you on Plies, Kelis even though that's my girl, Tiger, and last Nicki .. I have no words for her at all!
LOL! Yeah, I use to love Kelis,and I know their personal marriage woes aint none of my business, but I love Nas more and I feel like she is not entitled to that dudes entire empire...
This ish right here is hilarious! Kelis needs a makeover inside and out!
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