guess who's bizack

WOW.... Just wow. I totally abandoned my blog. Like, I got all extra hype about my trip to Seattle, had every intention to blog about the wonderful things I saw and experienced, took tons of pics to post and everything. Its not like my blog is all fancy and has a huge following of people hanging on my every word, but I appreciate the folks who check me out and I feel bad for just dippin. Sorry! In all fairness though, I do have a kinda sorta reason why I haven't blogged since late July/early August. I actually have a few. I'll begin with Marisa.

Marisa is my lil sis. She is a normal 23 year old from the outside. Just getting to enjoy a little bit of the freedom being an adult provides. She is in and out of college, has a boyfriend she is doing the long distance thing with, works a lil job she can take or leave... She loves music, and shopping and hanging with her friends and although she and I haven't really been close since we were young, I love her.

As some of you know, I lived in Yakima, WA for a few years right after high school. I HATED IT. I moved back to Michigan in 1999 to go to college. Marisa felt as though I abandoned her when I moved away and for a long time she was able to make me feel very guilty for doing so. As I matured and grew though, I realized I did what I had to do. I was 20 years old with a 1 year old son, the love of my life was in Michigan, we wanted to be a family and Yakima really had nothing to offer me. I know it was hard for her to see me go, but I had to get out of that situation the best way I knew how and since Michigan was my home, I came home.

Over the years, this issue has been brought up many times by Marisa. Every time she failed in life, she blamed me. We argued all the time about this and I have apologized to her over and over again but it did no good we just didn't get along.

In 2006, she graduated from high school and I flew to Seattle to watch her walk across the stage. I was very proud of her. Somehow, there was a horrible argument and some of the meanest things ever were said to me. My feelings were very hurt and I didn't go back to Seattle for a long time. I mean until this past August long.

So I get out to Seattle and seeing her felt really good. I hugged her and she hugged me and I was happy to see how good she looked. I was really hoping we would be able to repair our relationship since we were both a few years older. Things seemed to go great the first two days. I had recently begun a boot camp program and got a week pass to the Bally's my mom goes to to keep up my routine and Marisa agreed to go with me.

So on my third day out there, we are in the pool at the Bally's. I could tell things were tense between us but couldn't tell why. Marisa seemed really aggravated and annoyed by me. Shoulda known then something major was gonna pop off when I felt that.

What happened over the next two hours ended up being one of the worst things that has ever happened to me. I cannot go into a whole lot of details because I will be here forever but I will say this. Marisa hurt me very deep. She verbally and physically assaulted me, said horrible things in front of and to my children and caused my baby sister Ayanna to lose what little respect she had for her. My mother was shaken up, my Father and Brother decided they were done with Marisa once and for all and she ended up with a police record.

It has taken me a little while to digest all that happened and come to grips with the fact that I will probably never have a healthy or happy relationship with my sister. I love her very much still but I have removed her from my life and my kids life. She is too mentally unstable and I cannot handle that. I actually think she may be bipolar or something and maybe getting on meds would help but I cant make her do anything and so its best I just keep my distance. Thank GOD i have 4 more sisters though!! =)

So next up is boot camp.

Like so many others, I want to be healthy and in good shape. I am an athlete at heart (always will be, my competitive nature is BANANAS) but over the years, I let life knock me down and I recently made the decision to get back in great shape. I started off slow at first, walking with a friend after work, making small changes to my diet. I saw no real results and rather than get discouraged like I have so many times in the past, I decided to just quit bullshitting and do what the hell I need to do. So July 31 I started a boot camp program. Twice a week, football practice typa stuff. Lots of running, push-ups, up-downs, jumping jacks, stairs, squats, and so on and so on. My first few sessions were INSANE. My trainers worked me to the point I almost threw up. Crazy thing is, I LOVED IT!!! It felt sooo good to be working out so hard again! I guess I didnt realize how much I missed it! (I am an ex hooper after all, lol)

So I got my husband to sign up with me and then we went to get a gym membership and now I have become a gym rat. I go 6 days a week in the mornings and do 45 minutes of cardio and my husband and I go on our off boot camp days in the evening and do more cardio and weight training. I must admit, the progress is slow but I am loving the little changes I am seeing. I'm loving the muscles showing in my thighs and arms, my energy level is higher and it is an awesome stress reliever.

The ONLY downfall to working out so much is that I have way less time for socializing. That means I go almost 2 months without blogging, I am IM-ing less and i have folks on FB and Twitter mad at me asking where the hell I been lol. Hopefully the changes I am making in mind and body will make all this neglect worth it!

ok so real quick, before I end this long ass post, another reason I been MIA is my kids are getting so big! My oldest is in 7th grade now and him being involved in school makes me be involved too. I'm always dropping him off somewhere and going to some meeting or going shopping for some project! I love it tho, that kid is the shit and he is destined to do great things so I do everything I can to support him be great.

My love bug is getting older too. We had an incident in his daycare that made us pull him out plus it was getting costly and my parents here for almost the whole month of August so he has been home since the end of July. Since I work from home though and everyone gone now (including my brother) we put him in preschool a few days a week. I am teaching him to read too so that keeps me super busy.

Anyway, I am going to make a serious effort to keep up with this a little more, at least a weekly post or something because I do enjoy it so don't forget about me! Come check in from time to time! I am hoping to also blog about my trip to Seattle and post pics soon too because I really did have a good time aside from the incident with my sister.... And now, I am off to give this rugrat a bath, do the dishes, pack tomorrow's lunches and get some shut eye so I can do it all again tomorrow! Sweet Dreams to you all.

-LA